My Story Begins...
Life has a funny way of providing winding roads for us to travel on. This story is of my many winding roads. I decided to start here, with what happened today. I was at the office of a new doctor, one who I had never seen before. I nervously twirled my dark brown, shoulder length hair in between my fingers. As I looked across the room, I stared at a picture on the far wall. It had a blue painted sky, almost the same color as my eyes.
“Joan Eastman?” the nurse called across the waiting room.
I got up quickly, apprehension gripping me. My thoughts came at me all at once. I want a child more than anything. Please let me carry this baby to term.
“Dr. Marx will see you in his office now,” the nurse said as I followed her into the area where the examination rooms were. “Come with me, please.”
I followed her to his office, and when she opened the door, sitting behind a large desk was an older man with gray hair.
“Doctor, this is Joan Eastman,” the nurse said as she ducked out of the room, shutting the door behind her.
Dear God, I prayed, let him be able to help me.
He stood up, extending his hand. “I’m Doctor Marx. Good to meet you,” he said with a smile. “Please have a seat.”
I sat, making myself as comfortable as I could. I feel like I’m going to vomit. I’m so scared..
“I understand you’re a friend of one of my patients?” he asked.
“Yes...I am,” I answered. “She said you might be able to help me. I’ve lost a child before...I was six months pregnant. She was born premature...and...died.”
I remembered Stephanie’s tiny body wrapped in a blanket as I held her and whispered my goodbyes right before they took her to the morgue. Tears stung my eyes. I needed to be strong today. I can’t bear to go through that again. I can’t survive burying another child. And here I am pregnant again. I need to carry this child to term more than anything in life. Dear God let him be able to help me.
“I see...” he mumbled, grabbing a file.
“I was told I have an incompetent cervix by my previous doctor,” I said quietly. “Is there anything you can do to help me keep my baby to term?”
“Yes, there is,” he said, his eyes softened, showing his concern as a doctor. “We can suture the cervix. It’s called a cerclage. You’ll have to be put on bedrest for your entire pregnancy, but it should allow you to carry your baby full term.”
Hope blossomed through me. I may be able to keep this baby in me long enough for it to survive? Maybe I can do this! Please let it be so.
“What is the success rate for this procedure?” I asked, a guarded tone still in my voice.
“It has a very high success rate,” Dr. Marx stood. “You should be just fine. I’ll have the nurse make an appointment for you for next week. The sooner we can do the procedure, the better.”
“Thank you,” I breathed gratefully, standing along with him.
“You’re very welcome. I’ll see you next week. Nice meeting you.” He extended his hand again and I shook it.
Excitement flowed through me. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be lucky enough to be called Mom by my child someday. I can’t wait to share the good news with Steve. I thought of the delight I would see in his hazel eyes as he pulled me next to his tall, lean body in a hug. I knew he would be thrilled with the news!
I have learned parenthood is a gift, an opportunity. It’s a beautiful thing that should never be taken for granted.
Title: Breaking the Silence
Author: Diamante Lavendar
Genre: Women’s Fiction
Based on a true story, a new novel from Diamante Lavendar. Joan Eastman was born like any other girl. However her life would prove to be a life of great pain… Growing up, she was treated differently by family members, powerless to defend herself against their sexual and psychological abuse. Feeling she had been dealt a wicked hand by the “powers that be”, she spiraled into substance abuse and troubled relationships. She became a victim of addiction and self-hatred. Not giving up, she becomes aware of a greater spiritual being that protects her and she begins to heal. Then she finds herself pregnant. She learns to understand nothing is hopeless; that with a changed view and self discovery, there is real hope in every situation, no matter how difficult. As she and her husband look forward to the birth of their child, she writes in her diary as a way of expelling all of the evil memories. On bed rest for the duration of her pregnancy, she endures tests and tribulations that at first she couldn’t begin to understand. But no matter how high the hurdles in Joan’s life are, she doesn’t look back, and pulls the pieces of her life together…for herself and her unborn child. This inspirational story speaks of Joan’s gradual self acceptance and healing of her body, mind and spirit. It speaks of the possibilities of the future and the fulfillment of the dream of love and family. And it speaks of jumping the hurdles in life without looking back, no matter how high those hurdles may be
Diamante Lavendar has been in love with reading since she was a child. She spent many hours listening to her mother read to her when she was young. As she grew older, she enjoyed reading novels of all genres: horror, fantasy and some romance to name a few.
She began writing in college and published some poetry in anthologies over the years. After her kids were older, she wrote as a form of self expression and decided she wanted to share her stories with others.
Most of her writing is very personal and stems from her own experiences and those of her family and friends. She writes to encourage hope and possibility to those who read her stories.
Diamante believes that everyone should try to leave their own positive mark in the world, to make it a better place for all. Writing is the way that she is attempting to leave her mark—one story at a time.
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